Why I won’t call my pets “fur babies”

I’m sorry if you do. I’m even more sorry if I know you and you do, because then I have to constantly hear you say it. My pets are not babies. They are not my children, they are my pets. While my cats and dog depend on me to feed them and care for them, I enjoy a number of liberties in owning pets that a parent simply could not. Example, I can ignore them for at least a few hours. I don’t have to know where they are all the time. They get yelled at when they eat each other’s poop or take considerable amounts of effort to open your closet door in order to eat your favorite sweater for seemingly no reason. They don’t get yelled at when they color on the walls or sneak out or accidently set the house on fire.

One of our two cats has developed a new tendency since our return. He constantly meows, or chirps as we call it. He chirps to be let outside, he chirps to be let inside, he chirps when he wants more food, he chirps in anger when presented with dry food instead of wet. Unlike a baby, I can put him outdoors and basically ignore him unless it starts raining. He likes it out there. He climbs trees and explores the crawl space under the house.

Also my pets don’t have the personalities of babies. My dog acts like an angsty teenager and the chirping cat must have the soul of a bitter, old man. But please help me if I really start attributing personalities to my pets, because then I will have become a crazy cat lady, and being here day after day has made that a fear of mine.